Q: What is height of De-hydration?
A: A cow giving milk powder.
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Why do rabbits go to the beauty parlor?
For hare care.
When does a rabbit go exactly as fast as a train?
When it's on the train.
A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender if he knows a man named Two Guns Gonzales.
The bartender says no but he tells him that the man in the back named No Guns knows him.
So the guy walks to the back of the bar and asks the man if he knows a guy named Two Guns Gonzales.
The man says, "Let me tell you a story...
One day about a week ago, I was riding into town on my horse and this large man with two guns comes riding up to me and says, "Get off your horse."
Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I get off my horse.
Then he says, "Now drop your pants."
Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do?
I take off my pants.
Then he says, "Now s**t."
Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do?
I s**t.
Then he says, "Now eat it."
Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I eat it.
Now, Two Guns is laughing so hard, he drops his guns!
I grab them!
Now I say, "Drop your pants."
Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do?
He drops his pants.
Then I say, "Now s**t."
Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do?
He s**ts.
Then I say, "Now eat it."
Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do?
He eats it.
So when you ask me if I know a man named Two Guns Gonzales, the answer is yes: I had lunch with him last week."
Vote:
Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer?
A: Show us your calves!
Bad Zoo
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.
2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.
3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.
4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.
5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.
6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida's Mascot.
7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you.
8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you're suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den.
9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit.
10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
Vote:
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles.
A man and a woman were on a nude beach when a wasp flew into the woman's vagina.
In a rush the guy pulled on his shorts, wrapped a towel around the woman, and ran to the hospital.
When they got there the doctor said, "The only way I can think to get the wasp out is to slather some honey on my penis and lure it out."
The doctor then offered his services for a mere $50.
After a long pause, the couple agreed.
The doctor happily slathered on some honey and went in.
After a couple of thrusts the husband said, "Hey, what the hell is going on?"
The doctor says, "Change of plans I'm going to drown the bastard."
That tornado damage your cow barn any?
Dunno.
Haven't found the durn thing yet.