What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel? A bit of a shock really.
An elephant goes to a camel and says why have you got a pair of tits on your back, the camel then replies that's a funny question coming from someone with a dick on their face.
A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
A boy at a cinema notices what looks like a bear sitting next to him "Are you a bear?" "Yes" "What are you doing at the movies?" "Well, I liked the book!"
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him midnight. He didn't seem disturbed at all. (Whew! Got away with that one!). Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh, crap," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted."
A teacher was giving a lesson and was telling the pupils that we came from Adam and Eve. A hand went up and the kid said, "But my dad told me that we come from apes, Miss?" Miss replied, "Stay out of this one, Leroy!"
Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert? A: Peach gobbler.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milkshake.
What’s a black spot between two white spots? A fly with cotton wool in her ears!