Joke #10748

What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel? A bit of a shock really.

How does a frog confuse you? When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better.

Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day? He fell in love with the Grand National winner!

What do you call a neurotic octopus? A crazy, mixed-up squid.

A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream. They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?" So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned. "I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts." And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."

What's the definition of a nervous breakdown? A chameleon on a tartan rug.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, about half hour later they were both killed by a train.

Chuck norris once killed a bear with an imaginary knife.

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic.But let me ask you a question first." "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea." "Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

Chuck Norris doesn't get shark attacked, the shark gets Chuck Norris attacked.