What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel? A bit of a shock really.
Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend? A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
Q: What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical? A: Fiddler on the hoof.
What do cows usually fly around in? Helicowpters and Bulloons.
Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat? A. Because he was pissed off!
Q: Why didn't Republicans save any of the black New Orleans residents from the flooding of Hurricane Katrina? A: They were busy trying to get two of each animal for their ark first and couldn't catch that damned roadrunner.
The old mosquito puts the little baby’s to bed and tells them: If you are good, tomorrow I’m going to take you to the nudists.
What's a moo hoo for a darling bull? A dear steer.
What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours? A hermit crab.
A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away. So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit. It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise. On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it "Hi Mr. Lion!" The other said, "Where did you get the gorilla suit?" The lion, rather frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion?" The eagles then started to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes".
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.