A baby snake asked it's mom, "Mommy are we poisonous?"
The mother snake responded, "Yes honey, but why do you want to know?"
The baby snake responded, "Because I just bit myself..." 
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Why do polo bears like bald men?
Because they have a great, white, bear place.
Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
It lives on ice.
What’s black and white and makes a lot of noise?
A zebra with a drum kit.
Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
Because their horns don't work.
An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse.
Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?"
"About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies.
The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
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Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.
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What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil?
Pre-tanned leather.
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper?
A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
Q: Why does a squirrle swim on its back?
A: To keep its nuts dry