A baby snake asked it's mom, "Mommy are we poisonous?"
The mother snake responded, "Yes honey, but why do you want to know?"
The baby snake responded, "Because I just bit myself..." 
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How do snails get their shells all shiny?
They use snail polish.
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree.
After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
“Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
What is a Zebra?
A Z-bra is 25 sizes bigger than an A-bra.
What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him...
Get away from my nuts.
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days.
Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"
Vote:
Why does a chicken lay eggs?
Because if she dropped them, they’d break.
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long?
A runny bunny.
Q. Why don't lions eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.