A baby snake asked it's mom, "Mommy are we poisonous?"
The mother snake responded, "Yes honey, but why do you want to know?"
The baby snake responded, "Because I just bit myself..." 
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What's an octopuses favourite latin saying?
Squid pro quo.
Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear?
A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair.
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Unicorns are extinct but Chuck Norris used all their horns as toothpicks.
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This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted.
The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little's s painted all around and all over his car.
The service man asked him why, and the snail answered "When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S-Car-Go!"
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends?
A: He plays with Pooh.
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Bob checked into his hotel room and immediately noticed a dead cockroach on the floor.
He called the front desk, asked for the manager and raised a fuss.
"Sir, please calm down," the manager replied.
"It's dead. It can't bother you now."
"The dead one doesn't bother me." Bob said.
"It's his pallbearers."
What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.