What do you call an affectionate rabbit? A tender, loving hare.
Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? A: I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.
Why do cows like being told joke? Because they like being amoosed.
There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment: "What's happened to this one? I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on top of a cliff. A magical bird flies to them and tells them that each one of them can jump off the cliff and wish to be one thing to fly away on. They will become that thing and can escape from their arduous situation. The redhead goes first. She jumps and says "eagle!". She turns into an eagle and flies away. The brunette jumps off and says,"hawk!" she turns into a hawk and flies away. The blonde takes a running start, trips on a rock as she nears the edge. "Oh crap!" she yells.
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
A man brings his cat to a veterinarian. He lives the cat there and returns in two days, as preagreed. He asks the veterinarian: Is my cat still alive? Still not...
What did the blonde call her pet zebra? Spot.
Why God did made the snake before lawyers? To exercise.
Q: Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window? A: She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.
I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said "1 dollar for dirty joke." Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar. Homeless man: "Alright sir whats your name?" Me: "John" Homeless man: "So Johny, there is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have." Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right, now how many wings this black rooster got?" Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right, now how many eyes this black rooster got?" Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right again, now there is this white cat walking around how many hairs are on that white cat?" Me: "I don't know? A lot?" Homeless man: "Well Johny, why do you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy."