Chuck Norris won the World Horseshoe Pitching Contest while they were still attached to a Clydesdale.
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When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor exclaimed, "It's a man!"
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Chuck Norris doesnt' walk away from explosions, explosions walk away from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris never actually moves.
He merely rotates the earth with his feet.
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Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
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Do you know why God is called "God"?
Because "Chuck Norris" is already taken.
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What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His shoe.
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Chuck Norris once shaved his beard.
People now call it Bigfoot.
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Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.
Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
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Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris.
After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
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Once while having s*x in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and ran into the engine.
We now know this truck....as Optimus Prime.
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