Where was your mom last night?
At Chuck Norris' place.
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Chuck Norris can spell the longest word in the English language with only three letters.
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Why did satan die before judgment day, Chuck hated him.
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The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.
The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church.
They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir.
The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church.
The priest was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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Chuck Norris beat Halo 3 on legendary, with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
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Chuck Norris doesn't wear flowers in his hair when he goes to San Francisco, he wears poison ivy.
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Ozzy Osbourne once accidentally bit the head off a live bat - Chuck Norris once deliberately bit the head off a live pterodactyl.
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Chuck Norris once stitched up a cut in his arm with a spoon.
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Do you know why babys cry when they are born?
Because they know they are entering the world with chuck Norris in it.
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Did you know the Dinosaurs crossed Chuck Norris?
But only once.
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Chuck Norris can copy and paste on a typewriter.
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