What do you call an unusual rabbit? A rare hare.
What do you call a neurotic octopus? A crazy, mixed-up squid.
Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?" "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
What are the most athletic rodents? Track and field mice.
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator
Why was cow afraid? He was a cow-herd.
If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped. What's a tiger? A stri-ped.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? 'Cause the cow's got the udder!
There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck. Some time went by, and the case got to court. The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?" The man replied. "Well sir, it was like this. We was driving down the road, minding our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pulling up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was most dead, so he shot them. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him." Then he came over to me and he said, "How you feeling?" I said, "I never felt better in my life."