How do you hire a horse? Put a brick under each hoof!
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.
What do you call an owl magician? HOOOOOdini.
What's green with red spots? A frog with the chicken pox!
There are two types of ostriches - Grey and Blue. Grey ones scared hide their head in the sand. The Blue ones sit in the bushes waiting for this moment.
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.” “Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. I’ve beaten him three games out of five."
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven’t got the energy." "Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They’re packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there...
Q: Why do pandas like old movies? A: Because they are black and white.
In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
What do you call the everyday routines of rabbits? Rabbits habits.