How do you hire a horse?
Put a brick under each hoof!
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Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!
Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
What is the longest organ in a sheep's body?
A New Zealander's cock!
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law?
There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
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Two deer hunters were not having any luck so they asked for advice from an old-timer.
"You can just about guarantee a deer if you learn to hunt with dogs," he said.
The two hunters got a trained deer dog and hit the woods.
At the end of the day and still empty-handed, one hunter said to the other, "Maybe tomorrow we'll get one if we throw the dog out of a higher treestand."
Why don't lobsters share?
They re shellfish.
Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.
For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk.
The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.
For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk.
The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.
For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk.
However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.
As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.
On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
A caterpillar!
One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place.
A man saw him and asked: why are you beating the poor animal.
Sorry, said Mullah, is it a member of your family?