Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
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Teacher: If a lion is chasing you, what would you do?
Christy: I'd climb a tree.
Teacher: if the lion climbs a tree?
Christy: I will jump in the lake and swim.
Teacher: if the lion also jumps in the water and swims after you?
Christy: Teacher, are you on my side or on the lion's?
Why did the frog walk across the road?
He didn't... he jumped.
Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.
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A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read: "Purebred Police Dog $25."
Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.
The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, "How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?"
"Don't let his looks deceive you, ma'am," the man replied, "He's in the Secret Service."
One simply cannot play fair and win in a zoo - there are way too many cheetahs.
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing?
A harenet.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
A man goes into a pub with a cat sitting on his head.
The barman pulls him a pint and says,‘Look I don’t know if you know it but there’s a cat sitting on your head.’
‘What of it?’ asks the man.‘I always wear a cat on my head on a Monday.’
‘But today’s Tuesday,’ replies the barman.
‘Oh God.Is it?’ says the man. ‘I must look a right prat.’
What did Cinderella Dolphin where to the ball?
Glass flippers.
A father notices his young son staring at something on the ground.
The father approaches his son and asks what he's looking at.
The boy says that he sees two daddy long legs on top of each other, and asks what they're doing.
They father replies that the two spiders are having sex.
It's a completely natural thing that a mommy and daddy do when they love each other.
The son then asks if one is a daddy long leg and the other is a mommy long leg.
The father says that they're both daddy long legs.
The son stomps on them, killing them.
The father asks why he did that.
The boy replies "I don't want any of that faggot-ass shit in my yard."