Why did the frog walk across the road? He didn't... he jumped.
Patty was sitting in her back yard digging a hole to bury her dead goldfish. Mrs. Johnson, who lived next door, was watching her over the fence. Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, what are you doing?" Patty said, "I'm digging a hole to bury my dead goldfish." Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, don't you think that hole is a little BIG for a goldfish?" Patty said, "No...it's inside your damn cat!"
Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
Q: How do you know Noah was a White man? A: No nigger could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens!
Q: What's the difference between a dog and a fox? A: About eight beers.
A man is trapped on a desert island with a sheep and a dog. After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man. However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner. The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him. The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck. By now, the man is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf. She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him. The man thinks for a moment and then responds: "Could you take the dog for a walk?"
The reason we are human is because Chuck roundhouse kicked a monkey into a higher species.
Cow: "Why don't you shoo those flies?" Bull: "I ll let them go barefoot!"
What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand? Cows-mopolitan!
What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle? A polo bear.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.