Why did the frog walk across the road?
He didn't... he jumped.
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Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.
What's black and white and rolls down the Boardwalk?
A nigger and a seagull fighting over a French Fry.
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What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?
A tiger moth.
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.
Q: What animal has the most kids.
A: A sperm whale.
Why did the rabbits go on strike?
They wanted a better celery.
What's a moo hoo for a bunch of weirdo cattle?
A nerd herd.
A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the world his house was guarded.
One day a woman knocked at his door.
“Is that your big dog outside?”
Wondering how she had got past him he said: “Yes why?”
She said "I’m sorry but my dog just killed him!”
“What?” Roared the man “What kind of dog have you got?”
“A Peke” Replied the woman.
“A Peke? How could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?”
“I think it got stuck in his throat!” replied the woman.
Why couldn't the rabbit fly home for Easter?
He didn't have the hare fare.
At the pet shop, a man spots a parrot without any feet.
The man leans in, "Hey buddy, how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a hook."
"Wow," says the guy. "I can't believe you're so smart! I'm taking you home."
Weeks go by, and the parrot not only understands everything the man says, but he gives good advice.
The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Hey, I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the mailman."
"What happened?" asks the guy.
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
"Then, the mailman came into the house and lifted up your wife's nightgown," reports the parrot.
"Oh no!" the guy says. "Then what?"
"I don't know," says the parrot. "I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."