A man goes into a pub with a cat sitting on his head.
The barman pulls him a pint and says,‘Look I don’t know if you know it but there’s a cat sitting on your head.’
‘What of it?’ asks the man.‘I always wear a cat on my head on a Monday.’
‘But today’s Tuesday,’ replies the barman.
‘Oh God.Is it?’ says the man. ‘I must look a right prat.’
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Q: What creature has more lives than a cat?
A: A frog, after all, they croak every night.
Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A: He was having a bad hare day!
One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car.
He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour.
The chicken was still keeping up.
After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house.
The salesman had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane.
He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen.
The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to kill one chicken.
"That"s the most fantastic thing I've ever heard," said the salesman.
"How do they taste?"
"I don't know," said the farmer.
"We've never caught one."
Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey?
A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
Vote:
What did the flower say to be the bee?
"Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
Vote:
Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?
Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck.
You can lead a horse to water, but Chuck Norris can make it drink.
Vote:
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
A: He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle?
It wants to keep it's Stockholm!
A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders.
He says, “What the hell is that all about?”
The farmer says, “We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm. There ain’t nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other.”