Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: "Mother said there would be knights like this."
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100? Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.
What kind of money do polar bears use? Ice lolly.
Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
Why did the rabbits go on strike? They wanted a better celery.
What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball? They re both brown, except the snowball.
Q: What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? A: One says "See you later" and the other says "In a while".
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
What do frogs do with paper? Rip-it!
Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you? Kids: Meat! Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you? Kids: Bacon! Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you? Kid: Homework!
Q: why did the cow cross the road? A: So he could pass the milkyway.