Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: "Mother said there would be knights like this."
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Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris.
After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
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What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
In what state will you find the most cows?
Moo York.
What’s black and white and makes a lot of noise?
A zebra with a drum kit.
A guy went to a whore house and asked the lady if she had a woman that could handle 16 inches.
"Hmm," said the madam. "I'm not sure. Try the first door on the right."
So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and immediately heard screams.
"It's too big! Take it out!" So he went to the madam.
"No, really. I need someone who can handle 16 inches."
"Hmm," said the madam. "Try the last door."
So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and had the time of his life, surprised that there was no scream at all.
In fact, he heard no sounds at all.
Puzzled, he finished up and pulled out.
"Talk to me, baby."
"Moo."
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Why is there no gambling in Africa?
-Too many Cheetahs!
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."