Q: Why did the elephant paint himself diffrent colours?
A: So he could hide in the crayon box! 
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When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
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What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
It lives on ice.
One day, a guy decides to go ice fishing.
He gets out onto the ice and starts making a hole with his ice augur.
Suddenly he hears a booming voice say "there's no fish there!"
He looks around startled but doesn't see anyone.
He packs up and moves to another spot and starts working on a new hole.
Again he hears the booming voice "there's no fish there!"
He moves again and starts making a new hole and hears the voice again.
"There's no fish there!" it booms.
He looks up nervously.
"G-G-God? I-I-Is that... you?" he asks.
"No, it's the arena manager. Get the fuck out of here!"
Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her?
A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.
Where do Russian cows come from?
Moscow.
A rich 40 year-old American woman decided to get married, but she wanted her husband to be a virgin and to never had been with a woman all of his life.
After some years of pointless searching, she didn’t found anyone with this description and forced to give an ad to the paper.
A month later, she met with an Australian man who had never been with a woman before in his life and she married him immediately.
On the first night of their wedding and before they lay down, she went for a quick fresh up and then went back to the bedroom, happy.
When she entered the room she stood steal...
She saw her husband naked to the center of the room and all the furniture on the corner of the room.
"But.. What happened?" asked the woman obviously shocked.
"Look.. I’ve never been with a woman, but if it’s the same as with the kangaroo, then I’ll need the whole room to catch you!"
What are the most athletic rodents?
Track and field mice.
Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up.
Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.