Q: What did the apple say to the worm? A: You're boring me.
Q: What do you get when you cross a perm with a rabbit? A: Curly hare.
What's the best way to make a bull sweat? Put him in a tight jumper !
What happens when you kiss a canary? You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
A man bought a dachshund for his six children so they’d have a dog they could all pet at once.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam.
A man was relaxing with his evening paper, when there was a knock on the door. He opened it, and saw nobody, so he closed the door and went back to his paper. There was another knock, so he opened the door again. This time, he looked down and saw a small snail. "Mister, could you spare some change?" the snail said. The man picked up the snail, threw him into the bushes, and went back to reading. A year later, there was another knock at the door. It was the snail. "What'd you do that for?"
Q. What's green and red? A. A very mad frog.
A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch. "Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a jogger asks. The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, "Nope." As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger's legs. As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" The old man mutters, "Ain't my dog."
Girl: We have a mayor. Do you? Horse: Sure! Girl: What do you call it? Horse: Same as you do. Mare!