Q: What did the apple say to the worm? A: You're boring me.
How many animals can you get into a pair of tights? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
Q: Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window? A: She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.
Q: What do you call a guy with his hand up a Camel's arse? A: An Arab mechanic.
An elephant goes to a camel and says why have you got a pair of tits on your back, the camel then replies that's a funny question coming from someone with a dick on their face.
A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?" Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose." And the bartender says, "Excuse me, I was talking to the goose."
A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear." It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.
Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."
Why did the farmer fence in the bull? The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!
How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.