Joke #10441

Charlie Sheen can achieve recovery by taking a drug called Chuck Norris.

Cocaine is Addicted to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't do cocaine. Cocaine does Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole bucket of sleepng pills and it managed to make him yawn.

Charlie Sheen is a drug, it will melt your face and kill you. Chuck Norris had two 8-Balls of Sheen and is now suing for false advertising.

I'm trying to write a joke about overdosing on cocaine. But I need a line to end it.

Chuck Norris holds the world record for most push ups done in a hour, the number is all of them.

When Columbus discovered America, Chuck Norris has already worked there as Texas ranger.

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

Caitlin Jenner and her chauffer were parked on a highway. When a policeman pulled up and asked "What's going on?" The driver said "I blew my tranny." The cop didn't know if he should arrest them for indecent exposure or call AAA.

Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.