What's a pet's favorite day? Saint Petrick's Day.
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk. The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!" The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws? It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.
What's green green green green green? A frog rolling down a hill.
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man? A. "How do you breathe through something so small?"
How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly? Just a phew.
A rabbit went to the fortune-teller, “what do you see in my future?” asked the rabbit. “Very soon,” replied the fortune-teller, “you will meet a pretty young girl who will want to know everything about you.” “That’s great!” said the rabbit, hopping up and down. “But when will I meet her?” “Next week in science class,” said the fortune-teller.
Why do cows think cooks are mean? They whip cream!
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say?" Child: "Moo!" Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow." Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?