What's a pet's favorite day?
Saint Petrick's Day.
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What is a bear's favourite drink?
Koka-Koala.
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
Well, the lady is furious!
She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird.
The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."
What are the most athletic rodents?
Track and field mice.
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?
A: A rotisserie chicken.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100?
Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.
Dogs believe they are human.
Cats believe they are God.
Tow millipedes went for honey moon.
The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"
A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders.
He says, “What the hell is that all about?”
The farmer says, “We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm. There ain’t nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other.”