Joke #5434

For our daughters 5th birthday we bought her a rabbit. We couldn’t help laughing when on the way she announced "the rabbit’s name is Sparingly." "How do you know?" I asked "look" she responded "it says “feed sparingly 3 times daily."

Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes? He liked a good croak and dagger.

What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson? He stank to the bottom of the pool.

What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt? Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.

How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly? Just a phew.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

A man is walking home when he sees a dog buying meat for his owner. The man watches the dog when the butcher takes a little to much and growls and him until he gets the right amount. The man follows the dog and watches as the dog stands on two legs and helps an old lady across the street. Amazed the man follows the dog home and watches the dog ring the doorbell. When the owner comes to the door the owner takes the bags and tells the dog to stay in the front yard. Frustrated the man goes up to the owner and yells "This dog is amazing! He gets your groceries, makes sure you have the exact change, helps old ladies across the street and this is how you treat him!" The owner replies, "I know but,this is the 3rd time this week he left his keys".

Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?" The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"

Q: What is the difference between a mouse and a dick? A: No difference. Both are searching a hole.

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!

Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!