For our daughters 5th birthday we bought her a rabbit.
We couldn’t help laughing when on the way she announced "the rabbit’s name is Sparingly."
"How do you know?" I asked "look" she responded "it says “feed sparingly 3 times daily."
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Why couldn't the cow leave the farm?
She was pasteurized.
An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse.
Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?"
"About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies.
The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
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What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull?
A steak-out.
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law?
There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
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A cowboy rode up to the saloon, dismounted from his horse, and dusted himself off.
He then walked around to the rear of his horse, lifted the tail and kissed it right on the rectum.
As the cowboy walked into the saloon, the shocked barkeeper asked, "Did you just kiss your horse's butt?"
The cowboy said, "Sure, I've got chapped lips."
The stunned barkeep asked if this was an old Indian cure.
The cowboy said, "Nope.
But, sure as s**t, it keeps me from licking my lips!"
How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling?
She’s got that down-in-the-mouth look.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
Chuck Norris scares cows so bad, milk comes out their nose.
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Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?
A: A rotisserie chicken.