For our daughters 5th birthday we bought her a rabbit.
We couldn’t help laughing when on the way she announced "the rabbit’s name is Sparingly."
"How do you know?" I asked "look" she responded "it says “feed sparingly 3 times daily."
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I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away.
Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor.
Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout?
A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
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A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow.
The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking.
He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found.
He drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.
He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the rabbit and horse were playing in the meadow again and the rabbit fell into the mud hole.
The rabbit yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!”
So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my dick and pull yourself up.”
And the rabbit did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes!
What does the fox say?
Whatever the hell Chuck Norris tells him to.
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Someone figured out my password.
Now I have to rename my dog.
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Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.
What do you call a frog with no legs?
It doesn't matter- he won't come anyway.
Q: What do you call a fight between you and your dad?
A: Dady issues!