What do you call a show full of lions? The mane event.
Q:What happened when Smokey the Bear started the forest fire? A: He got arrested just like you would've.
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia. That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I’m sorry,” The girl tells him. “We can’t allow animals in the cinema.” The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it’s head out and watch the film. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, “Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!” Agnes whispers back, “Oh, don’t worry about it… you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.” Madge says, “I KNOW…but this one’s eating my POPCORN!”
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a donkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the donkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the donkey. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100? Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.
Why are rabbits never gold? How would you tell them apart from goldfish?
Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast. They taste like chicken.
What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out.
Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet. That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer? A: Show us your calves!