First Kangaroo: What do you call it when giraffes moving one way get mixed up with giraffes moving another way?
Second Kangaroo: A giraffic jam.
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A man goes into a pub with a cat sitting on his head.
The barman pulls him a pint and says,‘Look I don’t know if you know it but there’s a cat sitting on your head.’
‘What of it?’ asks the man.‘I always wear a cat on my head on a Monday.’
‘But today’s Tuesday,’ replies the barman.
‘Oh God.Is it?’ says the man. ‘I must look a right prat.’
Why didn't the teddy bear eat his lunch?
(Because he was stuffed!)
Two flies sit on a pile of poop.
One fly passes gas.
The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
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Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear?
A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair.
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How do you start a teddy bear race?
Ready, teddy, go.
Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
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A lion once put his head inside the mouth of Chuck Norris.
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What do you call an unusual rabbit?
A rare hare.
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra ....
After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra
Eventually died
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A man enters a pet shop. He wants to buy live mice to feed his python. The man saw the cage with a parrot and begins to examine it. In this moment the parrot said,
"Your fly is undone."
The man blushed. He looked around if anyone sees him and closed his zipper. The parrot said again,
"Your pants have a slit back."
The man blushed still more and tried to cover his ass with a hand.
"Your shoelaces are untied", the parrot does not cease.
The man bent down to tie his shoelaces.
"Farted! ... You little fart", the parrot yelled.
The man died of shame and fled from the store. At this point the mice called from their cage and said,
"Coco, thanks you! You saved our lives again. You know, we'll make it up to you."