What goes black white black white...? A penguin rolling down a hill! What's black and white and laughing? The penguin who pushed him!
Q: Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window? A: She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.
What is a moo hoo for a cow that fell into the thresher? Ground round.
The little snail begs for his mother: Mother, please let me pass the rail road! Thunder dear, not now. In five hours the train passes.
Question: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull? Answer: Lipstick.
Me: Hey look its Nemo! Worker: Sir, that's a clown fish. Me: Bitch, that's a Nemo!
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other. One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each. Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world. Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off.
First Kangaroo: What do you call it when giraffes moving one way get mixed up with giraffes moving another way? Second Kangaroo: A giraffic jam.
What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote? One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.
A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, "I don't know. It all happened so fast."
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."