What goes black white black white...?
A penguin rolling down a hill!
What's black and white and laughing?
The penguin who pushed him!
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Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
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Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money.
I'm not paying," said the duck.
"I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it."
"I've spent my last buck," said the deer.
"Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk.
"Getting here cost me my last scent."
What dinosaur can't stay out in the rain?
Stegosaur-rust.
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup."
Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
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Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman?
A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
I got a cat the other day.
I had to swerve, but I got it.
Why was the racehorse names Strawberry Ice?
He was a sherbet!
Q: Why do pandas like old movies?
A: Because they are black and white.
A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear.
They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead.
Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault.
The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"