Joke #2853

Q: What's a tiger running a copy machine called? A: A copycat!
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Using a novelty invisible dog leash and collar Chuck Norris won the Westminster Dog Show.
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What do you call a person in china who doesn't eat dog? A tourist.
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Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain. One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette. The other lady said, 'Hey, that's a good idea. What's that called?' The lady responded, 'It's a condom.' The other lady said, 'Where can you get one of those?' She said, 'Oh, just about any grocery of drug store.' So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier, and said, 'I need to get some condoms.' The cashier looked at her puzzled (because of her age) and said, 'UH, what size?' The lady responded, 'Hmm, one that would fit a camel.'
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Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
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Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
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The reason we are human is because Chuck roundhouse kicked a monkey into a higher species.
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No chicken dies a virgin. They get laid at birth *slaps knee*.
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You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right? Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla". Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
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"May I buy half a rabbit?" "No, we don't split hares."
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A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore. "Do you have any idea why?" "Well, I had sex with an elephant!" "You did? But elephants are known to have small penises!" "Yeah, but he fingered me first."
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