What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth.
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An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks.
''What's your name?''
The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack.
May I help you?''
''Yeah,'' says the frog.
''I'd like to borrow some money.''
The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form.
''Okay,what's your name?''
The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.''
''Really?'' says the loan officer.
''Any relation to Mick Jagger?''
''Yeah, he's my dad.''
''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer.
''Do you have any collateral?''
The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?''
The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure.
Let me go check with the bank manager.''
''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.''
The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.''
The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle?
A polo bear.
Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?
A: In a nest-cafe!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Owls say.
Owls say who?
Yep, that they do.
Vote:
Tow millipedes went for honey moon.
The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"
What is a moo hoo for the bucket that goes at the back end of the cow?
A tail pail.
A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins.
He pulls the guy over and says: “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.”
The guy says OK, and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they’re all wearing sun glasses.
He pulls the guy over and demands: “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?”
The guy replies: “I did . . . today I’m taking them to the beach!”