Q: Why do hippos have to have sex in water?
A: Ever try to keep two tons of pussy wet?
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What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man?
Tarzan stripes forever.
A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows.
Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark.
He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators.
"Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?"
Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England."
The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
A dog goes to a telegraph office and dictates a message.
‘Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.’
The operator reads it back then says, ‘Y’ know, we charge per ten words.
You could have an extra ‘woof’ for free.’
‘No thanks,’ says the dog.
Who held the baby octopus to ransom?
Squidnappers.
Pet Owner: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner."
Vet: "That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer."
A man is walking through the wood and he meets a really ugly, big and a fat frog.
The frog says: "Hello, prince if you kiss me, I will fulfill you one wish. You can wish whatever you want."
The man says: "Ok, I will kiss you."
He kisses the frog, he has told her his wish but nothing has happened.
And the frog said: "Now you can see, such an old man and still believes in fairy tales."
Q: What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy?
A: Hoppalong Cassidy.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...