What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man?
Tarzan stripes forever.
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Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
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Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air.
Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone."
George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore."
Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark..."
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What four animals does a woman like to have in her house?
A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.
Q:Why did the cow cross the road?
A:To go to the moo-vies.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.
The President decides to give them a test.
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay!
Okay!
I'm a rabbit!
I'm a rabbit!"
How would you get four reindeer in a car?
Two in the front and two in the back.
And how do you get four polar bears in a car?
Take the reindeer out first.
A man bought a dachshund for his six children so they’d have a dog they could all pet at once.