What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow? Cowboom!
Q: What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? A: ‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater? A: I don’t know. I didn’t think sheep could knit!
A cowboy rode up to the saloon, dismounted from his horse, and dusted himself off. He then walked around to the rear of his horse, lifted the tail and kissed it right on the rectum. As the cowboy walked into the saloon, the shocked barkeeper asked, "Did you just kiss your horse's butt?" The cowboy said, "Sure, I've got chapped lips." The stunned barkeep asked if this was an old Indian cure. The cowboy said, "Nope. But, sure as s**t, it keeps me from licking my lips!"
What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt? Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
What is the definition of "derange"? De place where de cowboys ride.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
What is slimy and wobbly, tastes of raspberry and lives in the seas? A red jellyfish.
What do you call a gay dinosaur?…… Mega-sore-ass.