How are skunks able to avoid danger?
By using their instinks and common scents.
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Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.
The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, "I think they could be bird tracks."
The second blonde went to look and said, "No, I think these are deer tracks."
They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks.
She looked down, then got run over by the train!
Three women escape from prison….one is a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde.
They run for miles until they come upon an old barn; they decide to hide in the hayloft and rest.
When they climb up, they find three gunnysacks and decide to put them over their heads for camouflage.
About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy come into the barn. T
he sheriff tell his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft.
When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw.
The deputy told him just three gunnysacks.
The sheriff told him to find out what was in them…..so the deputy kicked the first bag, which had the redhead in it……and she went “Bow-wow.”
So the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in the first one.
Then he kicked the one with the brunette in it and she went “Meow.”
The deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in the second one.
Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it and there was no sound at all, so he kicked it again and the blonde said
“Potatoes.”
Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom.
He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower.
He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that?" She says: "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny."
The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower.
He says: "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."
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Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
A: Of course, a house doesn't jump at all.
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
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Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
An udder failure.
How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk?
A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant.
One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him.
He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could.
"Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny.
He's been there for years, and he's never hurt no one.
Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
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