How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed.
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns? A bull pull.
Chuck Norris can find Osama Bin Laden!
Q: What did the bird say after his cage fell apart? A: "Cheap, cheap!"
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side…
A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says "Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?" "Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."
What's the favourite flavour of sharks? Shark-o-late.
This old guy goes into a church in a small town in the hills of Italy and asks the priest to hear his confession. The priest listens and then asks, "Is there anything else?" The old guy says, "During the war, when I was young, a beautiful Germam girl came to my farm after escaping and asked me if I would hide her. I told her I would if she provided me with sexual favors." The priest replies, "Don't worry about it. It was wartime and you both were under a lot of pressure." The old guy says, "Does that mean that I have to tell her that the war is over?"
A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris.