How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed.
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What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns?
A bull pull.
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
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During the Iraq war, a Lieutenant asked the soldier why he was falling back during a really fierce battle, "Didn't you hear me say that we're outnumbered 4 to 1 ?"
The soldier replied, "I got my four Sir."
What is the best job in a country which is war-prone?
"Foreign ambassador."
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
I have no I-Deer.
Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with.
JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?"
BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me."
JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father."
BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!"
JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?"
BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto."
JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?"
BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."
An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans.
The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off."
The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing."
The German replied, "Yeah that will not be a problem."
A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off.
The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time."
"Yeah, that will be done," says the German.
The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off.
Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before."
The German replies, "yeah" The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg.
"Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."
The German snapped, "No! We think you are trying to escape!"
In an attempt to end WWII, President Harry Truman had Chuck Norris parachuted into Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Sept. 2, 1945, the Japanese surrendered.
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A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.
"Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him.
"How do I do that?" he asked.
"Carefully," replied the vet.
Just the thought of using Chuck Norris in a war is considered a terrible crime against humanity.
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