How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed.
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What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns?
A bull pull.
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
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War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
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"If women ruled the world," said my wife, "there'd be no wars."
"That's true," I replied. "Wars require strategy and logic."
What happened to the cannibal lion?
He had to swallow his pride!
Chuck norris was born on May 6 1945.
De Nazi surrenderd on May 7 1945.
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If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic?
He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.
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Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear?
A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair.
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They were three men discussing how to make their wives to tell them if they cheated on them.
The first guy says: "I go home after work at night, lie on the couch, turn on the television and ask: 'Woman you cheated on me today!'
'Who, me my husband? Could I ever do such a thing?'
Pissed off as I am, I get up, put her down, punch her and in the end she can’t take it anymore and admits: 'I cheated on you with Nick…'"
The secong guy says: "I do exactly the same thing. I punch her and finally she says: 'I cheated on you with Jake…'"
The third guy says: "I have no problem at all. I go home, undress, put the sweat pants on, light my cigarette on, I go out to the balcony, see the neighbor spreading clothes and shout at her: 'Mary! You are a whore!'
And then she starts saying: 'I’m a whore? Or your wife who sleeps with John, Mark, Peter…!'"