What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns?
A bull pull.
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How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed.
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
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Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges?
He's the Easter Bungee.
What's the definition of a nervous breakdown?
A chameleon on a tartan rug.
A guy is walking along the shoreline at the beach wearing just a pair of cutoff jeans.
Sure enough, he kicks up a bottle, pulls the cork, and out comes the Genie to give him one wish.
He pulls out a map of the Middle East, and asks the Genie if he can bring Peace to this part of the World.
The Genie pales, and says, "Master, these people have been at war since time began. It is their nature, woven into the very fabric of their lives. What you ask is totally impossible. It is probably the only wish I cannot grant you. Ask for anything else and I will make it happen."
"Okay", the guy says. "Tomorrow morning have my wife awaken me, with the best blowjob I've ever had, on her own, without my begging and pleading - just because she likes it, because she wants to, and because it turns her on."
The Genie shakes his head and says, "Let me see that map again!
Why did the rabbits go on strike?
They wanted a better celery.
World War II started because Burger King screwed up Chuck Norris' order.
Today Burger King NEVER gives you onions unless you ask for them.
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Q: Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes on them?
A: So that when they come into port, they can Scandinavian.
An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket.
The frog speaks up again and says, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it to the pocket.
The frog then cries out, "If you kiss me and turn me back, I'll do whatever you say!"
Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it and puts it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asks, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. What more do you want?"
The engineer says, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"