What do you call a neurotic octopus?
A crazy, mixed-up squid.
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Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church?
A: Because they use such FOWL language.
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Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead.
Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
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What do cows get when they are sick?
Hay Fever.
What do cows like to listen to?
Moo-sic.
A dog is truly a man's best friend.
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.
When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark?
A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
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Why do police dogs lick their balls?
To get the taste of Nigger out their mouths.
What's green and red?
A very mad frog.