What do you call a neurotic octopus? A crazy, mixed-up squid.
Jim and Lena were driving around the countryside when they ran over a skunk. "We better take the skunk to the vet, Lena. Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm." "But, Jim, what about the smell?" "Don't worry, Lena. The skunk will get used to it."
A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, "I don't know. It all happened so fast."
Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend? A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots? A: Bunny farts!
What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand? Cows-mopolitan!
A man started to town with a fox, a goose, and a sack of corn. He came to a stream which he had to cross in a tiny boat. He could only take one across at a time. He could not leave the fox alone with the goose or the goose alone with the corn. How did he get them all safely over the stream? He took the goose over first and came back. Then he took the fox across and brought the goose back. Next he took the corn over. He came back alone and took the goose.
Why did the whale like the diver? Because he had flippers.
Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
What's a moo hoo for a bunch of weirdo cattle? A nerd herd.
Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags? A:Mmmm, sandwiches!