What do you call a neurotic octopus?
A crazy, mixed-up squid.
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A man is out walking in New York when he sees a girl being savaged by a fierce dog.
He fights off the dog by beating about the head with a stick and saves the girl's life.
The girl's mother rushes over to him: "Thank you, thank you, you are a hero, tomorrow all the newspapers will have headlines about Brave New Yorker Saves the Life of Young Girl"
"But I'm not a New Yorker," the man says.
"Oh, then it will say in all the newspapers Brave American Saves Life of Young Girl," says the mother.
"But I'm not an American," the man says.
"What are you then?" asks the mother.
"I'm an Iranian," the man says.
The next day he sees the newspaper headlines:
Islamic Extr*mist kills American Dog.
What to polar bears eat for lunch?
(Ice berg-ers!)
Why do police dogs lick their balls?
To get the taste of Nigger out their mouths.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Owls say.
Owls say who?
Yep, that they do.
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What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur?
A stinkasaurus.
What's a moo hoo for the sound you hear when a cow spits?
A cud thud.
How do you tell if a black girls pregnant?
Shove a banana up her vagina and if you pull it out half eaten then you got a monkey on the way.
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Chuck Norris scares cows so bad, milk comes out their nose.
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Yo' Mama is so fat, she tried to eat her chicken pox.