What does an octopus take on a camping trip?
Tentacles.
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Q: If a horses foot covers 2 acres of land, what will his tail cover?
A: His ass!
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.
“I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.”
The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.”
The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.”
She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
Chuck Norris Killed Medusa with a round house Kick.
Vote:
Three mice in a pub having a bevy discussing who's the hardest.
1st mouse says I'm the hardest I go up to mousetraps rip the cheese out and as the bar comes down i bench press it 30 times and throw it across the room!
2nd mouse says : you poof! I get rat poison' crush it into powder and snort it.
3rd mouse finishes his drink, gets up and walks to the door, where are you going? asked the other 2.
Home he replied to shag the cat!
Q: Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
A: She wanted to mount the horse her way.
The judge:
Why did you shoot the rabbit without being a member of the hunters association?
The inculpated:
Why did the rabbit eat cabbage from my garden, without being a family member?
Q: Why do cops arrest black people?
A: Because monkeys belong in cages.
Vote:
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
(A gummy bear!)
What do you call a rabbit who is real cool?
A hip hopper.
One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie Bear went up to him and asked what was wrong.
Kermit said, "I'm having problems with Miss Piggy."
"Like what?" asked Fozzie.
"Well, Piggy wants me to eat her out and I can't."
Fozzie asked, "So, what's wrong with that?
You're not a prude or anything."
"No," sighed Kermit, "but I am a Jew."