Joke #10694

What does an octopus take on a camping trip? Tentacles.
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has 50.70 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal

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I took a day off from work to play golf. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green. I paid it no attention until I heard, "Ribbit. 9-iron." That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog. I pulled out a 9-iron and sunk a hole-in-one. Amazed, I picked up the frog and asked where we should go next. "Ribbit. Vegas." We went to Vegas, and I asked the frog what we should do first. "Ribbit. Roulette." We went up to the roulette table, and I won big. I took my earnings and got the best room in the hotel. I asked the frog if there was anything I could do to repay it. "Ribbit. Kiss me." I figured, what the hell, and I kissed the frog. It turned into a 15-year-old girl. That's how she ended up in my room, your Honor, and if I'm lying, my name's not R. Kelly. Tweet Share
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, golf, life, work
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years. Anything that you want is yours for the asking." The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on." God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together. God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat. The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again." God said, "It is done!" All the mice had beautiful little roller skates. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How you been doing? Are you happy?" The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!"
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has 68.32 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, god, heaven, life
A monkey goes into a bar and asks the barman: - Do you have any bananas? - No,I don't. ( says the barman) - Do you have any bananas? (asks the monkey) - No,I have not got any bananas! - Do you have any bananas? - If you ask me that question one more time, I'll nail your tongue to the counter! - Do you have any nails? - No,I don't. - Do you have any bananas?
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has 67.10 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, food
"Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture?" "No." "Did he hurt the cows?" "No, he just grazed them."
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
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has 71.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: animal
Your house is so dirty I saw rats on dirt bikes.
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has 23.75 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A lawn moo-er.
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, work
Q: What's long and thin and covered with skin and nobody knows how many holes its been in. A: A worm.
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has 64.05 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable? A: She wanted to mount the horse her way.
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has 57.92 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, women
The snake was punished because Chuck Norris tempted it to ate the apple.
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has 39.94 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food