How do you get a hundred cows in a barn?
You hang up a bingo sign!
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What does a cow like to do by a campfire?
Roast Moosmallows.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They go to the mooooovies.
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: "I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!"
Drunk man stumbles upstairs late at night and bursts through the bedroom door with a duck under his arm.
He announces to his now awake annoyed wife that "This is the pig I've been screwing."
The wife unimpressed said "You drunk arsehole... That's a duck".
The bloke looks down at the duck and then looks back up at his wife and says... "I was talking to the duck!"
Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing?
He was always standing up on the job!
A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his four-year-old son standing at the fence with wide eyes, taking in the whole event.
The man thought to himself, "Great, he's four years old and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees now. No need to jump the gun. I guess I'll let him ask and then I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said,
"Well son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one," gasped the wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
It lives on ice.
Question: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
Answer: Lipstick.