How do you shoot a great white shark? Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.
There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was. One day she argued with a lion. The next day was the first of June. Why? Because that was the end of May!
A man goes into a pub with a cat sitting on his head. The barman pulls him a pint and says,‘Look I don’t know if you know it but there’s a cat sitting on your head.’ ‘What of it?’ asks the man.‘I always wear a cat on my head on a Monday.’ ‘But today’s Tuesday,’ replies the barman. ‘Oh God.Is it?’ says the man. ‘I must look a right prat.’
Why did the chicken cross the road? So he can make you curious.
How does a group of dolphin's make a decision? Flipper coin.
What do you get if you cross a steer and a chicken? Roost beef.
What’s the difference between goats and women?? Goats are always horney.
What happened to the frog's car when his parking meter expired? It got toad!!
Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle? A. Wheeeee.
Did you hear about the man who named his horse Radish?
The friend of my mother has taken look at the photo on which I was and has said: "yeah, the stepfather of Johny is a real expert of breeding of meaty pig types."