How do you shoot a great white shark?
Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.
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Tow millipedes went for honey moon.
The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"
A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
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Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend?
A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
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Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra ....
After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra
Eventually died
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Q: What do you call a naked deer?
A: Buck naked!
Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert?
A: Peach gobbler.
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If you crossed a cow with a goat, what would you get?
Half and half.
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are.
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, “Tsquare, do your stuff.”
T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff.”
Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.”
Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that was good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, “What can your cat do?”
The Government Worker called to his cat and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.”
Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet?
A: A Lassie who plays brassie!