A skunk and a rabbit were running through the woods and accidentally they collided with each other. They both got amnesia from the crash.
"Who am I? What am I?" said the rabbit confused.
"Well, you're one such... with a short tail, long ears..."
"I guess!" shouted the rabbit, "I'm a rabbit!"
"And what am I?" asked the skunk.
"Ah! Yes. You're one such hairy, smelly, with a strip in the middle..."
"Wow!", yelled the skunk, "Probably I'm an ass!"
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Why do lions always eat raw meat?
"Because they don't know how to cook."
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned:
"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied:
"That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was.
One day she argued with a lion.
The next day was the first of June.
Why?
Because that was the end of May!
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elkaseltzer.
Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him?
He stung her into action.
Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber?
The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.
A man has a racehorse, never won a race.
Man in disgust says, "Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."
The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track.
He kicks the horse and asks, "Why are you sleeping?"
The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read: "Purebred Police Dog $25."
Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.
The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, "How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?"
"Don't let his looks deceive you, ma'am," the man replied, "He's in the Secret Service."