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What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?
If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
Yo mama cooking so bad, the flies chipped for a screen door!
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't.
The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?"
The dog answers "ROOF."
The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying."
The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else".
The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time".
The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door.
As they bounce on the sidewalk the dog looks at his owner and says "DiMaggio?".
When Chuck Norris wants salmon he eats the bear too.
Vote:
Q: Why didn't go Noah fishing?
A: He only had two worms.
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm?
A: She burys it.
There is three kids sitting at the lunch table one day.
One kid ask what do you call a mixed baby?
One replies a zebra,another replies a mistake and the third one replies.
Rape
No chicken dies a virgin.
They get laid at birth *slaps knee*.
Q: What type of bees make milk?
A: Boo-bees.
Drunk man stumbles upstairs late at night and bursts through the bedroom door with a duck under his arm.
He announces to his now awake annoyed wife that "This is the pig I've been screwing."
The wife unimpressed said "You drunk arsehole... That's a duck".
The bloke looks down at the duck and then looks back up at his wife and says... "I was talking to the duck!"