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YOUR MOMS HOUSE IS SO POOR I WENT TO KNOCK ON HER DOOR AND A ROACH TRIPPED ME AND A RAT TOOK MY WALET.
Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?
A: I don’t know.
I didn’t think sheep could knit!
Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything.
It was, after all, the captain's parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it... with the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day... and then 2 days and then 3 days.
Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said... "OK, I give up. Where's the fucking ship?"
A young lawyer was working on a farmer’s case, which asked compensation from the train company because one of they’re trains killed 24 pigs of his.
At the High Court, wanting to make impression of the damage amount, the lawyer says:
There were 24 pigs gentlemen!
Twice as much than you!
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur?
A stinkasaurus.
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''
Q: If a horses foot covers 2 acres of land, what will his tail cover?
A: His ass!
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra ....
After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra
Eventually died
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