Q: Why is the old, worn out horse named Flattery?
A: Because it gets you nowhere.
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Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?
A: De-calf-i-nated.
A cowboy rode up to the saloon, dismounted from his horse, and dusted himself off.
He then walked around to the rear of his horse, lifted the tail and kissed it right on the rectum.
As the cowboy walked into the saloon, the shocked barkeeper asked, "Did you just kiss your horse's butt?"
The cowboy said, "Sure, I've got chapped lips."
The stunned barkeep asked if this was an old Indian cure.
The cowboy said, "Nope.
But, sure as s**t, it keeps me from licking my lips!"
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey?
Boobies.
What does an octopus wear on a cold day?
A coat of arms.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her face looks like a horse's ass flapping in the breeze.
How can you tell that elephants have been doing it in your garage?
All your Hefty Bags are missing.
Q: What is red and black?
A: A sunburnt zebra.
Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan?
He got cut off without a scent.