Q: Why is the old, worn out horse named Flattery?
A: Because it gets you nowhere.
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Question: What do you get when you cross a shark and a parrot?
Answer: a creature that talks your ear off.
A duck, a pigeon, and a chicken all walk into a courtroom...
The judge asked the duck, "What is your crime?"
The duck responds, "I was blowing bubbles in front of City Hall."
The judge says, "There's no crime committed here, you're free to go."
The judge then asks the pigeon, "What is your crime?"
The pigeon responds, "I was also blowing bubbles in front of City Hall."
The judge looks a little confused but finally says, "There's no crime committed here, you're also free to go."
Lastly, the chicken walks up to the judge, and the judge asks, "What is your crime?"
The chicken, first looking back at the pigeon and the duck, then turning to the judge says, "I'm bubbles."
Q: What do you get when you cross a perm with a rabbit?
A: Curly hare.
Q: What type of bees make milk?
A: Boo-bees.
I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away.
Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor.
Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.
What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead black person in the road?
There’s skid marks in front of the skunk.
Vote:
Did you hear about the whale who couldn't keep a secret?
He was a blubber mouth.
Why didn't the teddy bear eat his lunch?
(Because he was stuffed!)
Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades.
Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.
So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.
Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler.
'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.