Q: Why is the old, worn out horse named Flattery?
A: Because it gets you nowhere.
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A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed.
After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains.
He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there.
"Who the hell are you?" he yells.
The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector."
"Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?"
He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"
Patty was sitting in her back yard digging a hole to bury her dead goldfish. Mrs. Johnson, who lived next door, was watching her over the fence.
Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, what are you doing?"
Patty said, "I'm digging a hole to bury my dead goldfish."
Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, don't you think that hole is a little BIG for a goldfish?"
Patty said, "No...it's inside your damn cat!"
Question: What’s worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
Answer: A woman that doesn’t do what she’s told.
Q: How do you know Noah was a White man?
A: No nigger could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens!
Vote:
A deer hunter who was an atheist was out in the woods when suddenly a 1,000-pound deer stepped out.
"Good God!" exclaimed the hunter.
Suddenly, a voice from Heaven said, "I thought you don't believe in me."
The hunter replied, "Up until now I didn't believe in 1,000-pound deer either."
I've been trying to find the right time to tell my pet hes adopted...
What job do rabbits at hotels have?
Bellhop.
You would think that taking off a snail's shell would make it move faster, but it actually just makes it more sluggish.
Vote:
What's a pet's favorite day?
Saint Petrick's Day.