Joke #7041

Q: Why is the old, worn out horse named Flattery? A: Because it gets you nowhere.
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has 58.98 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal

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One day the zookeeper noticed that the Orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"? "Well," said the Orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
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has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, bible
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
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has 63.45 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, relationship, sex
Yo' Mama is so fat, the hippos at the zoo get jealous of her figure.
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has 73.78 % from 165 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, insulting, Yo mama
What do tigers wear in bed? Stripey pyjamas.
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?" The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on. St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed. Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off. The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?" The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
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has 47.24 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, food, heaven
David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren’t expletives, were to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments. He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream-then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’ll endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness.” David was astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, “May I ask what did the chicken do?”
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has 71.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, birthday, parrot
A Mom goes to the store shopping. She tells to the children, "Your father will return very drunk. Undress him down to the waist and put him to sleep." "Why to the waist", the children interested. "Because your father has a large snake below and it can bite you." The mother returned and her children met her at the door, "Mom! Mom! Dad came home! We undress him all and put him to sleep." "Are you undressed him the entire", mother worried? "What happened with the snake?" "Don't worry, Mom!" proudly answered the children. "The snake was strangled with dad's belt, her eggs were trampled and the nest was burnt."
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has 71.35 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, life
Q: What do you get if you mix a rabbit and a snake? A: A jump rope!
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has 39.39 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache? A bad mood.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, health
Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose. Ortoise: How does he smell? Gemma: Awful!
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has 54.87 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: animal