Joke #7041

Q: Why is the old, worn out horse named Flattery? A: Because it gets you nowhere.
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has 58.98 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal

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Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear. The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said: "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans. I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear." "If you know that, why are you changing shoes?" "Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."
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has 60.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
Q: What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical? A: Fiddler on the hoof.
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, music
Using a novelty invisible dog leash and collar Chuck Norris won the Westminster Dog Show.
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, game
How do you stop a skunk from smelling? You hold his nose!
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has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no -- he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in their area. The police tell the drunk party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. SMITH is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find their police car, with the lights still flashing.
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has 43.39 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, car, cop, party
What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing machine? Hamburger.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet? A: A Lassie who plays brassie!
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has 57.36 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
The man comes home drunken but he goes to the piggery instead of the house. He lies down, he takes a look at the pig, caresses it and says: "Oh, it's you, darling, naked again?"
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, dirty, drunk, stupid
Where do Russian cows come from? Moscow.
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal
What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache? A bad mood.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, health