What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond?
He had him newt-ered.
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What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
A stripey sweater.
Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
Vote:
Imagine being completely naked in room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you...
This is life of a dog.
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician.
The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber.
The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
"No, I'm serious.
The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
Why do elephants squirt water through their noses?
If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.
What does a cow like to do by a campfire?
Roast Moosmallows.
Chuck Norris could stab you with a worm.
Vote:
Camper: "Look at that bunch of cows."
Farmer: "Not bunch, herd."
Camper: "Heard what?"
Farmer: "Of cows."
Camper: "Sure I've heard of cows."
Farmer: "No, I mean a cowherd."
Camper: "So what? I have no secrets from cows."
On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
A caterpillar!