Joke #10760

What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond? He had him newt-ered.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal

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How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling? She’s got that down-in-the-mouth look.
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has 18.30 % from 4 votes. More jokes about: animal
Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that?" She says: "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny." The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says: "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."
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has 60.50 % from 190 votes. More jokes about: animal, little Johnny, old people
Name an animal that lives in Lapland? A reindeer Good, now name another. Another reindeer!
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has 14.23 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: animal
Question: What’s worse than a male chauvinistic pig? Answer: A woman that doesn’t do what she’s told.
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has 43.39 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, women
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
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has 52.59 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: animal, christian, dirty, husband, women
Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet. That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
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has 31.89 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, duck, money
You said it was a great horse and it is. It took twenty other horses to beat him!
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing? A harenet.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy.  "Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."  Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon." "Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what colour they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"  The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."
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has 57.98 % from 178 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy, life, men, women