What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond? He had him newt-ered.
Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed!
Why don't sharks eat niggers? They think it's whale shit.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk? A milk dud.
How would you get four reindeer in a car? Two in the front and two in the back. And how do you get four polar bears in a car? Take the reindeer out first.
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?" The boy replied, "What turkey?" The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm." The boy looks down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!" The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?" The little boy said, "I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!"
Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey? A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
What is slimy and wobbly, tastes of raspberry and lives in the seas? A red jellyfish.
A man is walking through a park when he steps in a pile of dog mess. He pauses to wipe his shoe on the grass and sees another man step into the same pile. ‘I just did that,’ says the man, so the other man rubs his nose in it.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam.