A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him.
He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What’s happening?"
The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the zoo."
"Oh my, which way is it heading?"
"Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?"
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A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a pet.
A shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot.
He asked what the strings were for and the shopkeeper replied, "Well, if you pull the right string the parrot says, 'Polly wanna cracker'. If you pull the left string it says, 'my name's Sam'".
The man being of the inquisitive nature tried both and thought it was really neat, but was still curious.
So he asked what would happen if he pulled both strings, the parrot piped up, "I'd fall off the perch you idiot!"
Q: What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?
A: De-calf-i-nated.
What do cows do when they re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse and that is how the giraffe was created.
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What do you call an affectionate rabbit?
A tender, loving hare.
Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot?
Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
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What's green with bumps?
A frog with the measles!
What do you call a rabbit who is real cool?
A hip hopper.
Me: Hey look its Nemo!
Worker: Sir, that's a clown fish.
Me: Bitch, that's a Nemo!