What do you call a dinosaur drinking Tequila?
Tyrannosaurus Mex.
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What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?
It's ass.
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Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-day!
What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth.
I took a day off from work to play golf. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green.
I paid it no attention until I heard, "Ribbit. 9-iron."
That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog.
I pulled out a 9-iron and sunk a hole-in-one.
Amazed, I picked up the frog and asked where we should go next.
"Ribbit. Vegas."
We went to Vegas, and I asked the frog what we should do first.
"Ribbit. Roulette."
We went up to the roulette table, and I won big.
I took my earnings and got the best room in the hotel.
I asked the frog if there was anything I could do to repay it.
"Ribbit. Kiss me."
I figured, what the hell, and I kissed the frog.
It turned into a 15-year-old girl.
That's how she ended up in my room, your Honor, and if I'm lying, my name's not R. Kelly.
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What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout?
A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
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What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?
A tiger moth.
Did you hear about the Irishman who couldn't tell the difference between his two horses?
His friend suggested measuring them, that didn't help though, the Irishman discovered that the brown horse was only an inch taller than the white one!
Yo Momma is so fat…
That she makes Godzilla look like an action figure.
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.