A man enters a little country store and sees a sign reading, ‘Danger! Beware of Dog’. He then sees an old hound dog lying asleep on the floor. ‘Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?’ says the man to the shopkeeper. ‘Yep,’ replies the shopkeeper. ‘Before I posted that sign, everyone kept tripping over him.’
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
Why is it difficult to identify horses from the back? They re always switching their tails.
What is a moo hoo for steak that came late? Filet delay.
Why did the duck get arrested? because he was selling quack.
Chuck Norris can mess with the bull without getting the horns.
Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend? A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
A husband and wife are eating soup. The wife spills soup all over her and says: "Oh no, I look like a pig" "Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson? He stank to the bottom of the pool.
Me: Hey look its Nemo! Worker: Sir, that's a clown fish. Me: Bitch, that's a Nemo!