What do cows do for entertainment?
They go to the mooooovies.
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I feel like every nature documentary is directed by a psychopath.
"Here's the cutest baby animal ever."
"Now let's watch something eat it."
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
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Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
Q. Why are fish so smart?
Q. Why are fish so smart
A. Because they swim in schools!
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance they looked like hares.
When is a farmer like a magician?
When he turns his cow into pasture.
The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at the windshield of the aircraft and shoot a dead chicken at about the speed the air-craft normally flies at it. If the windshield doesn't break, it's likely to survive a real collision with a bird during flight.
The British had recently built a new locomotive that could pull a train faster than any before it. They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineer's chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab.
They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA checked everything and suggested that they might want to repeat the test using a thawed chicken.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
faces like yours
belong in a zoo.
Don't worry I'll be there too,
not in the cage,
but laughing at you.
A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers.
He noticed a bull nearby.
Say, farmer "Is that bull safe?"
"Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!"