Joke #585

Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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has 59.12 % from 306 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, dirty, masturbation

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While talking to girl: "Hey, I heard an interesting stat the other day. They said that 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?" "No, what?" "Yea, I figured you were in the first group."
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has 84.15 % from 929 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation, women
A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear. He carries his trusty 22-gauge rifle with him. After a while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone. A moment later, the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can rip your throat out and eat you, or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and I’ll [insert appropriate colloquialism for sodomy here].” The hunter decides that anything is better than death, so he drops his trousers and bends over; and the bear does what he said he would do. After the bear has left, the hunter pulls up his trousers and staggers back into town. He’s pretty mad. He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same bear, aims, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone. A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “You know what to do.” Afterward, the hunter pulls up his trousers, crawls back into town, and buys a bazooka. Now he’s really mad. He returns to the forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires. The force of the bazooka blast knocks him flat on his back. When the smoke clears, the bear is standing over him and says, “You’re not doing this for the hunting, are you?”
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has 84.03 % from 835 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, hunting
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
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has 83.75 % from 715 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, masturbation
Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task? A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...
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has 83.48 % from 434 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation, men, time
If it walks like a duck, talks lidek a duck, and smell like a duck but Chuck Norris says it's a girrafe. It's a damn girrafe!
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has 83.46 % from 598 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, duck
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
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has 83.45 % from 915 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other. One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each. Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world. Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off.
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has 83.38 % from 2137 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, dirty, gay
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
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has 83.13 % from 998 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy back wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.
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has 82.56 % from 492 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
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has 82.46 % from 520 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris