Did you hear about the overweight man who took up horse riding as exercise? The horse lost 15 pounds in a week!
Did you hear about the aristocratic horse? He was the last of his race!
Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters. She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse. Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.
Q: Why do pandas like old movies? A: Because they are black and white.
For our daughters 5th birthday we bought her a rabbit. We couldn’t help laughing when on the way she announced "the rabbit’s name is Sparingly." "How do you know?" I asked "look" she responded "it says “feed sparingly 3 times daily."
I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.
What do cows get when they do all their chores? Mooney.
The snake was punished because Chuck Norris tempted it to ate the apple.
Two rabbits are in a garden and one of the rabbits says, "Thith carrot tathes pithy." The other rabbit says, "Yes, I know, I just pithed on it."
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales? He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.