Did you hear about the overweight man who took up horse riding as exercise?
The horse lost 15 pounds in a week!
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Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing not more than fifty feet from them.
The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes. Then, as the bear slowly approached them, he furiously attempted to lace them up.
The second man, somewhat confused, looked at the first man and said, "Whaddya doing? Running shoes ain’t gonna help! You can't outrun that there bear!"
"I don't need to outrun the bear, buddy," said the first man, "I just need to outrun you."
A family is driving in their car on a holiday.
A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car.
He gets out an takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road.
Frog is grateful, thanks the man, and tells him that he will grant him a wish.
Man says: please make my dog win the next dog race.
Frog asks to look at the dog which jumps out of the car.
The frog notices that the dog has only got three legs and tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfill his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish.
The man says: "Well, then please help that my wife will win the next beauty contest in the area."
Frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car.
Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog.
The frog turns to the man and says: "Could I please have another look at the dog?"
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
What's an octopuses favourite latin saying?
Squid pro quo.
Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark?
A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
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Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church?
A: Because they use such FOWL language.
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A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job.
"Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks.
"I can do great bird impressions", the man replies.
"Pssh, a lot of people can do that".
"Oh well", the man says and flies away.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
Chuck Norris once walked in the opposite direction in the Running of the Bulls.
The bulls turned around and ran for their lives.
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