What do you call a dinosaur that destroys everything in its path?
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
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Yo Momma is so fat…
That she makes Godzilla look like an action figure.
Q: Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop?
A: Hopspital.
Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
A farmer was bragging. "I've got 350 sheep." "That's a lot of sheep," said another farmer.
"And I've got 500 chickens," bragged the farmer.
"That's a lot of chickens," answered the second farmer.
"And 40 bulls," added the farmer.
The other farmer replied, "Boy!
That IS a lot of bull."
What animals do you bring to bed?
Your calves.
A baby hedgehog lost itself, in the garden.
Sad, he strolls from here to there, whereupon he bumps in a cactus and full of hope he says:
Mama, is that you?
Yo Mamma so stupid she put on bug spray before she goes to the flee market!
Name an animal that lives in Lapland?
A reindeer
Good, now name another.
Another reindeer!
A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream.
They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?"
So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned.
"I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts."
And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."
One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE."
It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York.
So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him.
When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE."
The policeman arrested her on the spot.