Q: How does a blonde part her hair?
A: By doing the splits.
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How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go on holiday to a tropical island.
The brunette takes a beach umbrella, the redhead takes a crate of suntan oil, and the blonde takes a car door.
‘What are you doing with a car door?’ asks the redhead.
The blonde replies, ‘If it gets too hot, we can roll the window down.’
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting.
One looked at the other and said, “I’ve got to take a crap.”
The other said, “Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap.”
The first one said, “But I don’t have any paper to wipe my ass.”
The other blonde replied, “You have a dollar, don’t you?”
The first one said, “Yeah, I’ve got a dollar. That’s a great idea– I’ll use that!”
He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, “What in the hell happened to you?”
The first one replied, “Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?”
A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again. Now, I'll be expected to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
Why did the Blonde pee in the Grocery Store?
The sign said "Wet Floor."
How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
Dustin and Jane (both blonde) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
Q. Why can't a blonde get a drivers license?
A. Because every time the instructor says "Let's park" she jumps in the back seat.
How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
She opens the car door.