Q: What kind of music do elves like best?
A: "Wrap" music!
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A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
A: Elfis!
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?
A: Mistle-toes!
What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes?
A real Christmas Card!
What are cows favorite party games?
MOO-sical chairs.
"Johny, please, tell us, what do you do the whole day, so?"
"So, in the morning I cut the wood, sometimes with both hands, 5 minutes a day I play the guitar, to tell the truth. And in the afternoon I go to my garden to water the flowers. The lilies of the valleys and may-flowers I water most likely. Yes, they are really cute. Then I tear the leaflets to find out if the neighbor (her husband is not at home) loves me or not. The last time it came out that she loves me, fuck."
Q: What's the first thing elves learn in school?
A: The "elf"-abet!
Chuck Norris made the Beatles cross Abbey Road.
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Q: Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
A: Because he had low "elf" esteem!
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?"
The girl says, "I don’t like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn’t dance with you."
The guy says, "I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."