Light was heard saying to his son, "Keep practicing and one day you will be faster than the speed of Usain."
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."
"Where did you born?" "At the hospital!" "Don’t tell me! And what were you in for?"
"I have the body of an athlete." "Better give it back. You're getting it out of shape."
Oh, you play racquetball? You must be extremely athletic.
A math teacher asks a pupil, what are 3, 5, 7 and 11? The pupil thinks for a moment and then replies, "On 3 there is cartoon network, on 5 we have cartoon network, on 7 dad checks out news-bulletin and the channel that comes by pressing 11 on the remote is FTV, which my brother watches late at night."
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get? A: Mistle-toes!
Peter: My mom is having a new baby. Joy: What's wrong with the old one?
A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time. After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game. Oh, I really liked it, she said, but I just couldn't understand though why they were beating each other up for 25 cents. Surprised, the boyfriend asked, what do you mean? The blonde girlfriend replied all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!'
Who was the fastest runner? Adam. He was first in the human race.