Joke #11393

Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music? Matthew: Why? Peter: Because he broke the record!

Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music? "Because he broke the record."

Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year. In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.

Oh, you play racquetball? You must be extremely athletic.

So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.

Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. "Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him." "And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg. "Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly. "And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger. "I'll be Bach," said Arnie.

I'm so hipster, even I've never heard of my favorite band.

Two girl sprinters are training for the 100 metres race. One says to the other: "You won't believe this, but I've just run 100 metres in 10 seconds." The other says: "But that's impossible, that's the world record." So the other says: "Ah hah, but I took a short cut."

Chuck Norris once went sky diving, he did not use a parachute. The spot he landed on is now known as the Grand Canyon.

Bob had been listening to his wife practicing her singing. "Honey," he said, "I wish you'd sing the songs about Women's Day." "That's nice of you, Bob," she said. "Why?" "Then I'd only have to hear you once a year!"

"I have the body of an athlete." "Better give it back. You're getting it out of shape."