Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music? Matthew: Why? Peter: Because he broke the record!
Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music? "Because he broke the record."
Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year. In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.
Oh, you play racquetball? You must be extremely athletic.
So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.
Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear. The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him. The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?" The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
Jack: "What's the name of the fastest dinosaur at the Olympics?" Jill: "I haven't a clue. What?" Jack: "Prontosaurus."
What band is a cow favorite? Moody Blues.
Who was the fastest runner? Adam. He was first in the human race.
At Christmas time, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep. Maybe that's why I'm no longer a fireman.
You're not alone. Sometimes, even Usain Bolt feels like he's running in circles.