Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music? Matthew: Why? Peter: Because he broke the record!
Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music? "Because he broke the record."
So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.
Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year. In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.
Oh, you play racquetball? You must be extremely athletic.
Why did the bald man take up running? To get some fresh 'air.
Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Kylie Minogue, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Kyle said, “Sean, if I am not being too forward, I’d love to have sex with an older man. Let’s go back to my place.” So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says, “If you think that was good, let me sleep for half an hour, and we can have even better sex. But while I’m sleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and my dick in your right hand.” Kylie looks a bit perplexed, but says, “Okay”. He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. Then Sean says, “Kylie, that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet. But again, hold my balls in your left hand, and my Dick in your right hand.” Kylie is now used to the routine and complies. The results are mind blowing. Once it’s all over, and the cigarettes are lit, Kylie asks “Sean, tell me, does my holding your balls in my left hand and your dick in my right stimulate you while you’re sleeping?” Sean replies, “No, but the last time I slept with a slut from Melbourne, she stole my wallet.”
Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing. "Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols." "Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?" Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"
A javelin thrower called Vicky Found the grip of her javelin sticky. When it came to the throw She couldn't let go. Making judging the distance quite tricky.
Yo' mama so fat, people exercise by doing laps 'round her!
In the late 80's When Michael Jackson first met Chuck Norris he turned white.