Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music?
Matthew: Why?
Peter: Because he broke the record!
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Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music?
"Because he broke the record."
Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year.
In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.
Oh, you play racquetball?
You must be extremely athletic.
So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.
Vote:
Q: Why was the blonde jogging backwards?
A: She wanted to gain weight!
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?
A: Mistle-toes!
Why did the bald man take up running?
To get some fresh 'air.
Q: What is the sound of Chuck Norris clapping one hand?
A: Thunder.
Vote:
A man had an idea that could make him rich. After it was perfected he brought it to an inventors' help group.
When asked what his great invention was, he pulled out an apple.
The group looked at it and started laughing.
The inventor said, "You don't understand! Taste it."
A volunteer tried it and said, "Mmmmmmm, tastes like peaches."
The inventor said, "Flip it over."
He flipped it over and took another chunk of the apple. "Mmmmmmmm, tastes like grapes."
The inventor offered a new apple and the volunteer said, "What does it taste like?"
"Pussy," said the inventor.
The guy bit into it, and spit it out with an awful look on his face and shouted, "That tasted like ass!"
The inventor winked and said, "Flip it over."