Q: What's the difference between a teabag and england?
A: The teabag stays in the cup longer!
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When I see you, there's a Ruthian blast in my pants.
High five!
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft.
In today’s civilized society, it is called golf.
Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise!
Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
What’s the difference between England and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Basketball
An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River.
Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance.
On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.
The Japanese team won by a mile.
Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged.
Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found.
A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of "Executives" was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.
Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering.
The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.
After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that "too many people were steering and not enough rowing."
To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the management structure was changed to "4 Steering Managers, 3 Area Steering Managers, and 1 Staff Steering Manager" and a new performance system for the person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder and become a six sigma performer.
"We must give him empowerment and enrichment." That ought to do it.
The next year the Japanese team won by two miles.
The American Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all of the paddles, cancelled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, awarded high performance awards to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.
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Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing.
Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball.
It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap.
Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green.
Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball.
It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap.
Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.
The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball.
It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap.
But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth.
As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws.
The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it.
Startled, the eagle drops the fish.
When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one.
Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don’t stop fooling around, we won’t bring you next time."
A man comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn't include Joseph in the games anymore.
The husband asks, "Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?"
"Of course I wouldn't," replies the wife.
"Well," says the husband, "neither would Joseph."
What you call a wrecking ball, Chuck Norris calls a punching bag.
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