Q: What's the difference between a teabag and england?
A: The teabag stays in the cup longer!
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Q: Why is horse racing so romantic?
A: Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.
What are the most athletic rodents?
Track and field mice.
What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common?
You don't look down.
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Chuck Norris can break his opponents serve with an ace.
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Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.
One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 95 years old, and she's just 24!
What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"
The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
There was a terrible tragedy concerning the local ice hockey team.
They drowned during spring training.
Q: What's the difference between hockey player and hippie girl?
A: Hockey player will take shower after 3 periods.
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Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style?
A: That way they can both watch wrestling.
Q:Why don't hockey players drink tea?
A:Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.