I farted in a room of hipsters and I watched them fight each other over who heard it first.
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Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
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A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator.
On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce."
On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce."
The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: You wouldn't know, it's kind of an obscure number.
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Q: You know what would make America great again?
A: If we kept the Mexicans and deported the hipsters.
Q: Why are farmers cooler than Hipsters?
A: Farmers can go a day without their Pitchfork
Q: What's a hipster's favorite profession?
A: Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.
Q: Why did the hipster float down the tributary?
A: Because the river was too mainstream.
Q: Why did Hitler hate golf?
A: Because he ended up in the bunker.
The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"
Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"
The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?
Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."
"That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."
Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."
The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."
Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"
The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"
Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."
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Five liters of bean soup for dinner – let´s spend the night with the gas mask!
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