Q: What does a kitty like to eat for breakfast? A: Mice Krispies.
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!
Doctor to woman patient: "Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him." Patient: "But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee."
What's the difference between an old cat and a baby kitten? An old cat scratches and bites but a little pussy never hurt anybody!
Yo mama so ugly, even hello kitty said goodbye.
Standing in line at a restaurant, I noticed that the few available tables left had not been cleaned off. I mentioned this to the cashier, who told the manager. A minute later, an annoyed-looking teen emerged from the back with a spray bottle and paper towels in hand. "All right," she bellowed clear across the crowded dining room, "which one of you people wanted a clean table?"
Q: What do you get if you cross a fence post was a kitty? A: A poleca.
How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party? When the cake jumps out of the girl!
This guy said send me a naked pic, so I sent him a picture of my kitty. She's not wearing any clothes.